Dear Followers ~
Forgive me, citizens, for the long delay in this post. I was captured by the Kosher and forced to spend over four months in a Bacon-forsaken dungeon, forced to live without the precious life blood for weeks at a time. It is as if I was trapped in the pits of hades, being slowly tortured by the devil himself using the horrid instruments of carrots and celery....shudder. I am writing this to you in v8 juice, though it may as well be my own blood. Tastes as bitter and coppery.
Things are looking up now, (no pun intended). The negotiations for my release from this porkless prison of fear and despair are underway and September 22nd is the prospective date.
I cannot write more at this time, I am under strict surveillance and the slightest sign of escape gets me BEET up. (ba-dum-ts). As a matter of fact, I need to go NOW. The Kosher cook is challah-ing at me for dinner (get it? challah?)
Sincerely,
President Maxwell Rosen
