FROM THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF BACONIA

Dear Followers ~

Forgive me, citizens, for the long delay in this post. I was captured by the Kosher and forced to spend over four months in a Bacon-forsaken dungeon, forced to live without the precious life blood for weeks at a time. It is as if I was trapped in the pits of hades, being slowly tortured by the devil himself using the horrid instruments of carrots and celery....shudder. I am writing this to you in v8 juice, though it may as well be my own blood. Tastes as bitter and coppery.
Things are looking up now, (no pun intended). The negotiations for my release from this porkless prison of fear and despair are underway and September 22nd is the prospective date.
I cannot write more at this time, I am under strict surveillance and the slightest sign of escape gets me BEET up. (ba-dum-ts). As a matter of fact, I need to go NOW. The Kosher cook is challah-ing at me for dinner (get it? challah?)

Sincerely,
President Maxwell Rosen

BACON HISTORY #1

DID YOU KNOW?
The phrase "bring home the bacon" comes from the 12th century when a church in Dunmow, England offered a side of bacon to any man who could swear before God and the congregation that he has not fought with his wife for over a year. Any man that could "bring home the bacon" was highly respected in his community.

FROM THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF BACONIA

Dear Followers ~

It is my honor to bestow upon you this new blog celebrating the second greatest country there ever was: Baconia, where we always have, continue to, and will always strive towards Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Bacon.

I say "second greatest" because The President of the United States of America has apparently copyrighted the phrase "the greatest country there ever was". Oh well.

From this day forth, anyone who wishes to visit a blog where everything and everything is centered around Bacon, and it's Biblical applications, can come here to fulfill their Baconish desires. Needless to say, this will be one of the most interesting blogs ever written.

One of the many benefits of being a citizen of the Unconquerable Baconia is that in this country, there are no taxes! There are no Politics! There are no schools! "Baconia" is the effect simile of "Freedom"!

BUT! This does not mean we don't have standards. There are a few guidelines we wish for our citizens to follow, just as we in the government do. (Unlike some countries)

1. There will be no talk of things other than Bacon and Jesus. Violation of this rule is punishable by imprisonment, exile and/or death by hanging.
2. If you want to say something that has nothing to do with either Bacon or Jesus, see rule #1.
3. Vegans and Vegetarians, while allowed on this site, are forbidden to comment/post anything that is contradictory to the consumption of pork or any other animal. If you wish to publicly proclaim your patheticness then I suggest you make your own blog. Its free and easy and all your little Hippie friends can convene there to make signs and plan protests. This blog, however, is not the place.
4. There will be no profanities of any kind or nature. This includes "OMG"'s, "LMAO"'s, and "Freakin'"'s. Nothing more severe than "Dang". "Oh My Bacon" (abbreviated "OMB"), however, is acceptable and encouraged.
5. There will be no sexual talk or pictures of any kind or nature. This includes references to body parts, degrading talk about women, homosexual talk and comments about how "sexy" something or someone is. If you must express your feelings, the phrase "You look akin to a Baconess" is acceptable.
6. There will be no racial jokes. They are degrading and stupid and unnecessary because deep down we are ALL human and we ALL love Bacon.
7. There will be no toilet humor. The talk of excrement of any kind or nature is both disgusting and disturbing and it has no place here in the New World.

All this to say: Just be courteous! Be considerate! Follow the Golden Rule! Kindergarden stuff many Americans have forgotten.

Enjoy the fellowship. Enjoy the posts. Enjoy the freedom. Enjoy the Bacon.

Sincerely,

President Maxwell Rosen